i have been reflecting the past few days on how much i have grown and have decided that this year was probably the most adventurous year so far.

there were definetly plenty of ups and downs and times when i just felt like dissapearing. but it's all gone now i believe. well, that is i hope i believe.

but i have certainly learnt something:morals, friendships and everything that plays apart of my life, now and forever.

but fear still grips me like it does so for everybody.

a surge of panic

a heart of cry

tears stream down

hoping to dry

life is full of fears

afraid to die

afraid to conquer

the living lie

overcome fear

and overcome everything

just like you did

when you said anything

tagged replies:

DarkSR: slowly wish, then i slowly give you.

E.T.: is that poetry? haha, joking. yeah, its nice, perfectly short and sweet.

Jin: I'm so afraid?

layqueen: haha, thanks alot! good luck for you As.

something suddenly drifted to mind.

i know i said that i won't be blogging for the next three weeks, but something in the midst of everything popped out. i decided to write about it before it drifts away.

'we're flying like a jet plane'

constant flying but without anyone noticing.

everyone and everything flies. just that at different points of life and sometimes we are noticed and sometimes we are not.

...because i guess we are all the same: living in our own world although we are somehow connected by one.

we should all try to change that before no one gets seen and we dissapear into thin air.

what has always been said has always not been done.

hi all, just to let you know my blog will die for three weeks.

exams are coming, constant mugging.

good luck to all those having exams. i'm sure we'll all do well.

tagged replies:
Kaze: you know how much i love you still:)
E.T.:talk about yourself, your blog is ten times worse. =.=
DarkSR: hahas, all's well that end's well. :) and thanks for your consults. just writing the truth you know. not how i feel, just how everyone feels occasionally.
Carmen: haha, good luck for your o levels.
Jaslyn: Haha! =x signs going to be created.
Jin: brave to try?
Hate: what can i say? you're very nice to insult. =x
PilloWrY: hahas, explained to you already! can't wait for frs next year, make sure you're the referee again okay?
Itchy: hahas, thanks itchy!

amazingly my mind is blank.

yet it sometimes reflect who i really am. lost in dreams and in this outer space that sometimes i wonder if it really exist.

oh yes, i finally have a thought.

we always say "there are no time for regrets." so how come we always do? like how occasionally we say things or our actions make us regret later. i try to avoid it. and majority of the time when i do, i'll tell myself: what's past has past. do not think of it. so if you ever do regret in anyway, remember this. cause i'm sure all of us do have regrets.

but then again,

after much consideration, i have finally come to a conclusion.

lyn: i'm going to give one chance, and that's only one chance. no more than that. i suppose that is cause i hope she can change for the better. until then, perhaps we can help her as well?

re-posted: sorry lyn, very sorry, my friend.

i have a constant fear: the fear of being rejected.

do you?

post replies:
Chrys: hey! thanks, i'll be tagging your blog too. =D
Savie: yoyo! --> yoyo =x
Jin: thanks for the praise?
DarkSR: for your birthday present
Jaslyn: talk about yourself...

why are we all so-judgemental?

why can't we just know the person well before we actually judge them?

questions. questions to be answered and yet never do.

i hate it. i hate when i judge a person by thier cover. thinking and sensing that i'm always right about them. no one's perfect. so why do i judge?

do you?

why can't i give people chances? i realize if i do, it will be hypcritical.

why is life so complicated?

because,

Life's like this. That's life. Face it...

tag back:

Jin: no problem, anytime. :)
DarkSR: so you want or not? tsktsk

today, my tributes go to all those who have suffered and had lost someone during 9/11.

those who had pass on may they rest in peace.

everytime i look back, trying to see, to search, whats there for me, or what was there for me. i wonder sometimes why do i keep on looking back, expecting someone to be there. a sense of insecureness perhaps?

sometimes i just feel uneasiness creeping up on me. as though someone is watching, waiting, wondering, why? where am i?

answering questions, all questions. i wish i could. for you and for me. but i can't.

a genius perhaps could? i doubt it.

i love it.

the thrill of up and downs of life. how sometimes we may die any moment and yet we continue live our life as though it won't happen to us.

how some of us live a double life that we don't want others to know but will be eventually found out.

and not to forget the times when we fail and make mistakes and lose in the end but pick ourselves up so that we will not fall any futhur.

to not live in humiliation, discrimination but to live with proudness and prideness (but definetly not in arrogance.)

defination of life: the general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.

this was probably the best defination of 'life' i felt was the most suitable amongst all the 36 that came out. funny isn't it. how the word 'life' has one of the most number of definations.

scary. so don't play with it.

nickleback officially rocks, and i can't wait for The Departed, plus it has the coolest cast:

Leonardo Dicaprio

Matt Damon

Jack Nicholson

Martin Sheen

Mark Whalberg

Alec Baldwin

Anthony Anderson

a movie to look out for. opening date would be 05 October 2006.

tagged replies:

Savie: go check this movie out, i think you would love it.

Loretta: thanks. =D

Bomby: how about this entry? i doubt it sounds so negative. and i don't really think it's negative. i think it's just the truth of life.

the past few day's hadn't been that bad. except for what say you:

a competition at hand
a sleepless night
a morning tution
project management
but tons
of fun
friends
and team work

yes, definetly not a bad week. but as they say all good things must come to an end.

just like how sometimes i get blamed for something i didn't do and not wishing for things to happen. i am not perfect, so i:

make mistakes
walk on the dirty black earth
instead of
floating on the pure white heaven.

i wish sometimes life can be a perfection.
but it can't
so wake up
live dreams
live on.

Replies:
Kyra: ok....
Nat: hey, seen your blog! cheer up ok?
Haz:yeah, sad isn't it?
Jas: yes feeling better now, thanks!
Bomby: poems bombs! =x

giddiness- it is a syntom that totally makes your head spins and wondering where you are.

so here i am, in front of the computer screen, the glaring brightness of it reflecting in my eyes- painfully. making me go giddy all again, and yet i suffer (technically being a sadist) trying to overcome this sickness. i swear, sometimes i think i'm a little psycho.

i placed one of my written poetry here on fictionpress and suprisingly (despite how pathetic my poems are) there were actualy two good reviews.

i'll say, it's a stroke of luck.'

defination of hypocrite: a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements believe his or her public statements.

so that's the meaning of hypocrite. we define each person as a hypocrite but to me, we all are. it actually depends how hypocritical you are.

defination of hypocritical: being a hypocrite: a hypocritical rogue.

i guess the real reason we are all hypocrites is the desire to please everybody. i mean honestly, we all want to do that, right? and if you deny being a hypocrite, i can't force you to admit it. but lets reflect. how many times in your past have you lied to please somebody, or claim that you like a person but tell another party that you dislike him/her when it comes down to it. oh yes, i'm sure no matter how old we are (unless of course you're a just born-which i doubt) we were hypocrites once. which is sad i guess, cause despite trying not to be one, we still are.

okay, contreversey to the earlier posts, i have realized that i have been too deep into my thoughts and i was being a weaker person then i usually was. well, that is rather should i say, 'self-proclaimed.'

i had no idea in the past couple of days i had been this emotional and perhaps a little angsty, if i would say so myself. i must admit though, i did had some of these feelings (for awhile) but that was probably just my inner self. and after what say you, the past couple of days, i realized that my life wasn't that unsteady and i was just pressuring myself a little too much. high expectations in other words. silly isn't it, cause mainly i'm sure half of my friends wouldn't think so.

so yes, taking a brighter note of life, i have slackened away due to this what i call an 'over-whelming' stress( which i dearly hope that no one would actually sue me of) i became a lazy pig on Thursday (was it?) and drowned myself in emotional misery which-i failed to admit yesturday-by watching a movie: fight club.

great plot, intersting dialogue, weird characters yet all the same. oh did i mention great fights? especially when the narrator fought against himself. it was rather, wicked. i would definetly think i'm insane and would declare an order to put myself in a mental institution- if let say i ever do that.

yes, im definetly escaping reality now.

And now for the replies:
Debby: hi! thanks for the encouragement. i deinfetly appreciate it=D
Vanessa: hellos my silly junior! hee hee.
Briana: as you can see my dear team mate, i definetly cheered up alot. you too yeah?
Ren: haha. very funny. =x
Elizabeth: oh man, i miss you too!

i don't know why am i crying
it has passed, i should be believing
but i can't help to feel
i let you all down
i'm so sorry
please forgive me
the captivated world i was living
has now become a reality
my face has changed
over the eternity
i'm embarassed, i can't forgive myself
i'm sorry
my friends
my team.

'words of sorry...please forgive me'

DarkSR: =.=...lamer
Savie: Thanks, you too!